Absence

I want to speak with you. I see your name and the urge us there. One weekend and everything we had is lost. One kiss and then we went too far. We got ahead of ourselves and when reality hit you changed your mind. I feel like I'm bot worth the trouble. It hurts. I can feel your absence. What we had, will it be lost forever? Will

Waiting

Waiting is an annoying thing. Waiting to talk to someone you care about and having no way to do so and also having no clue when that person will talk to you. That's horrible. Not knowing why they can't talk to you or if they're even ok, that is torture. But here I am. Waiting for him to write to me. Its been a week since we last talked. Is this my own fault?

Forever Lost Without You

You were always different from the rest. 

So many have wronged me and ended up nothing more than a memory. 

There was always something more about you...

There was something more pure than what you let us all see.

There was a reason I never let you go.

I tried to push you away.

I tried to forget.

I tried to move on.

I tried so hard...

I could never successfully ignore you. 

I could never really get you out of my mind.

Even throwing my love at another wouldn't work. 

He was always compared to you.

From the moment we met in that Chemistry lab, I felt more than one Chemistry between us. 

We were meant to be in each other's lives, I feel that deep within my core.

I can't imagine not having you in my life now.

I can't imagine you not caring for me.

I could never neglect to care for you.

You are so precious to me.

You are my best friend.

My crush.

You are the foundation of my most recent fears.

You've bloomed before me like a delicate flower. 

Don't hide yourself.

Don't pull away. 

Don't be afraid. 

I need you now.

Because I am forever lost without you...

Realistic Dreams

Well I got that loud and clear. Sometimes my dreams don't make any sense but I just woke from a nasty one. It wasn't scary besides the scuba diving where I had improper equipment and almost drowned. I had to swim with little to no oxygen in my lungs to the very top! But that was at the very end I got out and woke up. Before all that weirdness it was me fighting with strangers and my sisters. I was trying to tell someone that I can cut hair and they were angry at me and putting me down and underestimating me. He pointed to Kat and said "Who did your hair young lady? I'd like to see them for my haircut." Awkwardly she pointed to me and I felt happy to have that on my side. After she said that he started saying, "Well actually there are a lot of flaws, look here and here, I can't have that." Later we were talking to some women who were going to grant us money as a prize and decided not to. We were going to make our case and I wanted to speak on our behalf but Jessie didn't think I could do it. They asked which of would like to speak after Kat said she didn't know what to say and I said I did, Jessie handed the keys over to Kat which in my dream meant that she was the one that would speak. I stormed off. I had $7 and that's how much the scuba diving at the aquarium was so I did that. Samie and Kat walked over to join me, I tried walking away they apologized, and this is when I went under water, freaked out cane up from the water and woke up. So basically I'm 20 and I'm tired of being treated like a child who isn't capable of handling anything. That dream made me so angry.

I met a guy my first year of college. He was weird, he was awkward, and he ended up becoming my best friend. Eventually after a few months of his crazy friendship, I realized I was in love with him, so I told him I kind of liked him. He didn't feel the same, we moved on and 2 1/2 years later I'm still in love with him. I've dated another guy, I was in a relationship but nothing can make me get over him. So I'm giving up on trying. I'm engaging in the friendship again full blown. And if I get hurt, I guess its worth it because having him in my life makes me happy. And making him smile or excited just to see me, that's worth the pain that comes from any rejection, I suppose.

Hope

I've been so low for such a long time. I let the depression get the best of me. I have made myself sick over the ending of my first relationship and while there are still wounds to heal, this past week has really shown me a large step forward that I've taken. Even in the darkest of tines, there we see a light at the very end of our journey. This light, growing brighter each day, it warms my heart and soul and reminds me that everything will be okay. This light, it is hope. I have the ability again to hope for my future. I can see happiness in my future again. I feel excited and adventurous. There isn't one thing that had been making me feel this way, its a combination of things. I have one more step to take. I will be doing this soon. And I will finally be able to let go of what was never truly mine.

Tattoos

I think tattoos are amazing and ever since I was very young, I have wanted to get one. When I was ten and my mother died, I always said I would get a tattoo in memory of her. Now, ten years later, I finally did it. I got my first tattoo for her. A butterfly and a breast cancer ribbon over my heart. With her initials and her date of birth and the date that she died.

Audience?!

So, it has been brought to my attention that people are actually looking at my blog. Thank you guys!!!
I'd appreciate it if I could get some more feedback. Let me know what you're thinking, or eventually, I'd like to start reflecting on actual issues. I'll be talking about shows, movies, books, and music that I like. I"ll continue updating as I please about personal issues, this is my diary of sorts. Anyone who would like to know my thoughts on something, if I've never heard of it, I'll look it up and I'll figure it out. Please, comment below, even if you just say hi, or tell me where your from, or share your own blog with me, I'll take a look at it.
I"m interested in knowing who has been reading and checking out my blog. Help me out if you don't mind. :)

Mid terms

Its funny the way success makes your expectations of yourself higher. Normally around mid term time, I wouldn't study, and I would just go with the flow, if I fail, oh well, if I pass, cool!
This semester I've actually been able to maintain A averages in my classes. So, if I fail my midterms this semester, my averages will go down drastically.
I've never cared before. Now the pressure is on, and I'm nervous. I'm already disappointed in myself and I haven't even taken the exams yet! I have one at 3:30 today and I have an hour and a half break between classes, I plan to study in that time, just an overview of the information.
You guys, do your work on time. Don't procrastinate, and manage your time. This seriously sucks.
and I have been working more hours, which makes it hard to find the time to do homework.
Anyway, I'm in class now so I should probably stop writing.

Good morning, world!

I love waking up to the crunching sound of my back as I twist and turn and stretch and ACHE!

Dreams of Being Lost

Its no secret that I've been feeling a little lost in life. This is a fairly general feeling, in all things I just want to find my place. And of course this feeling that I have is made obvious b my very blog name "Lost Girl". We're all a little lost. I mean isn't life all about destinations and the journey we take to eventually become "found". It may be a lover who finds you, your soul mate. Or a child you have and you realize that this life that you're responsible for, this is your meaning! Last night I had a dream that I went away with friends.it was a few hours away from home and whatever we were doing there, I got left behind when everyone went home. I spent the duration of my dream trying to get a ride, trying to get ahold of my sisters to come pick me up. But none of the phones in my dream would work. I felt so afraid and trapped in this town and I didn't know where I was. Oddly enough, I found a local Wal-Mart. I got a GPS and somehow this helped me contact my sister and she took three hours to find me. The relief in my dream was matched soon after by the relief of me waking up. Unfortunately I had to immediately get ready for work. I had an uneasy feeling when I realized that neither of my sisters were home. Jessie,my oldest sister, went to pick up the other sister from work. When ty got back my anxious feeling went away and I was able to go to work with a little ease of mind. What a night that was. I'm sure I could analyze the dream, but its pretty obvious to me. My dream has a handful of separate meanings that are all relevant to me. But that's a dream. They all reflect our own subconscious. That's the end of this particular thought process. I'm off to dream some more before class tomorrow.

Working

I know that as a supposed adult, I am required to work. But I'd like to fast forward to a point of my life when I'm able to do a job that I love. I want to be a mother, a wife, and have the life I've always wanted. Hard work pays off, but today while I work, I've been day dreaming. I'm okay where I am in life, but sometimes I get so excited for my future.

A little about me

I'm a twenty year old college student. I don't have a mother, and I only recently got back into contact with my father. I don't say this for pity, that's just a big part of my past. I was raised by my two older sisters. That's the important part, my sisters are crazy, but they have been very influential to me. I talk a lot. Some people find it funny, most find it annoying but it is what it is. I love my friends and my family even though a lot of the time, they really get on my nerves. My major in college is Human Services. I hope to one day be a counselor. I love kids. I want to be a foster mother and I think I'd make a very decent foster mother. I have depression and that's why I have this blog, as an outlet. But feel free to read it.