Forever Lost Without You

You were always different from the rest. 

So many have wronged me and ended up nothing more than a memory. 

There was always something more about you...

There was something more pure than what you let us all see.

There was a reason I never let you go.

I tried to push you away.

I tried to forget.

I tried to move on.

I tried so hard...

I could never successfully ignore you. 

I could never really get you out of my mind.

Even throwing my love at another wouldn't work. 

He was always compared to you.

From the moment we met in that Chemistry lab, I felt more than one Chemistry between us. 

We were meant to be in each other's lives, I feel that deep within my core.

I can't imagine not having you in my life now.

I can't imagine you not caring for me.

I could never neglect to care for you.

You are so precious to me.

You are my best friend.

My crush.

You are the foundation of my most recent fears.

You've bloomed before me like a delicate flower. 

Don't hide yourself.

Don't pull away. 

Don't be afraid. 

I need you now.

Because I am forever lost without you...

Realistic Dreams

Well I got that loud and clear. Sometimes my dreams don't make any sense but I just woke from a nasty one. It wasn't scary besides the scuba diving where I had improper equipment and almost drowned. I had to swim with little to no oxygen in my lungs to the very top! But that was at the very end I got out and woke up. Before all that weirdness it was me fighting with strangers and my sisters. I was trying to tell someone that I can cut hair and they were angry at me and putting me down and underestimating me. He pointed to Kat and said "Who did your hair young lady? I'd like to see them for my haircut." Awkwardly she pointed to me and I felt happy to have that on my side. After she said that he started saying, "Well actually there are a lot of flaws, look here and here, I can't have that." Later we were talking to some women who were going to grant us money as a prize and decided not to. We were going to make our case and I wanted to speak on our behalf but Jessie didn't think I could do it. They asked which of would like to speak after Kat said she didn't know what to say and I said I did, Jessie handed the keys over to Kat which in my dream meant that she was the one that would speak. I stormed off. I had $7 and that's how much the scuba diving at the aquarium was so I did that. Samie and Kat walked over to join me, I tried walking away they apologized, and this is when I went under water, freaked out cane up from the water and woke up. So basically I'm 20 and I'm tired of being treated like a child who isn't capable of handling anything. That dream made me so angry.

I met a guy my first year of college. He was weird, he was awkward, and he ended up becoming my best friend. Eventually after a few months of his crazy friendship, I realized I was in love with him, so I told him I kind of liked him. He didn't feel the same, we moved on and 2 1/2 years later I'm still in love with him. I've dated another guy, I was in a relationship but nothing can make me get over him. So I'm giving up on trying. I'm engaging in the friendship again full blown. And if I get hurt, I guess its worth it because having him in my life makes me happy. And making him smile or excited just to see me, that's worth the pain that comes from any rejection, I suppose.