Just Be Proud of Yourself

I'm not a straight A student, but I'm in school. I get A's and B's. Every once in a while I do poorly but I make those grades up. I have a job, sometimes I call out sick when I'm bot so physically sick, but I have a job, and I get paid. I pay my bills regularly and rarely do I need extra time. I might cry a lot but there are many people I've lost, memories I will never recreate. I try not to dwell but I'll always cry when I need to. Sometimes I fear, I try to be brave but I can't always be as strong as you seem to want me to be. I'm cracking. I'm falling apart but I always seem to fund the glue and I get back on track. Through the sickness, pain, and stress, I manage. I've been to hell and back, I'd like you to back off. I don't need your judgments. For while we often walked right along side each other, you were never in my shoes and I was never in yours. You got help, you all got the chance to deal with it all. I pushed it all away for another time, because well it was never my time. Lately I've been all about me. I can't help it I always hurt, I feel trapped and desperate, I feel helpless and hopeless. I try to involve myself in the lives of others but right now my own issues have been consuming me. But I try. Its not good enough. Be punctual, responsible, smart, kind, polite, respectful, don't talk over others, don't ignore, don't forget to ask the right questions, be understanding, helpful, hopeful, be this and that. But never do you look at me, see ME and way, thank you for being yourself. Good job. Sorry for the obstacles but you did good. We're proud of you. We support you. We are here for you. You are good enough. Instead I get disappointment, regret, exhaustion, shame. You're giving up on me as if I was some drug addicted whore with a handful of illegitimate children I can't afford to feed and no hope of a future who only mooches and you can't handle it anymore. You've had enough of me. I didn't think I was that difficult. I thought I was on the road to success. Graduated, started college, maintaining a job of about four years, I have friends who love me, parents of friends who love me, and think I'm doing alright. I'm just fine. I'll just have to be proud of myself.